It is good to want.

I want to do this all (and by all, I mean life with and with out horses) for the right reasons.

I want to have pure intentions.

One of my students the other night was worried because her canter transition was not prompt enough. She was getting so worried that it was getting worse. When I told her it didn't matter right then (my focus was else where) she replied with "But it will matter if it happens at a show."

This is true.

But is that a good reason to be the best you can be? So you can be good at a show?

I realized with my exchange with her that my entire focus has shifted. Perhaps it has not even shifted, but just has become focused.

I want to be the best rider I can be. I want to be the best horse person I can be.

I want to be a good person.

I want to learn how to be more evenly keeled. I want to not worry so much about my horses that I seem like a crazy bag lady that shows up with different blankets every day. I want not to cry in front of people.

I also want to embrace crying. I want to endulge in my desire to drive Beast all over the east coast in hopes that some farm will have a magical field that she and a blanket can exist as one. (Not likely.......Beast may never be clipped again). I want to give in to the crazy and embrace it.

You can see my conflict.

I do want to stay married and retain some friends, so I am thinking that perhaps the "even keeled" goal would be the better route to aim for.

As for not crying in front of people all the time, this may be a lost cause.

Attainable goals.

Back to the horses, and the horse goals, I am so happy about where those are right now.

I am able to learn and that is what I want to do the most.

I don't want to learn about any more chestnut mares though and their weirdness. I am good on that for a little while.

A day even just a day.

Beast (despite a brush with death hives last night......I made that name up, just hives) and I had the best lesson we have ever had.

I feel like my chest is going to burst.

My flat work has come so far that I have this new amazing canter to my jumps. Stephen kept talking about how I have to do things differently now that Beast has come so far in the connection (hollar Vanessa Swartz).

I did what he said and it was like magic. The whole lesson was like magic. Even when I was getting jumped out of the tack and no part of me was touching the saddle or even remotely close, I had the time of my life.

All my working out has really helped my position. I was able to stay with Beast tonight better then I ever imagined (hollar Yoga and Kari).

Beast jumped so well. I was in the air for very long periods of time tonight. Long enough to say the lords name in vain followed by oh my god. Slowly too. I wanted to make sure to be dramatic..... so I said it slowly. Like I was from Alabama.

Callie was amazing also. Really amazing. She is such a special little horse. She is low key and I love her for that. She is also an amazing athlete, such a refreshing combination. Ms. California Comet is getting to be awfully straight!!

I am a big fan of Margret (Mythic Landing Events) and her clinics. The soups, coffee and drinks make the whole day even better. Margret and her mare Lissel looked REALLY good.

I also rode with Glenda Player and her really well behaved stallion. That horse was jumping like a little spring. I am a big fan of that horse.

Kelley Williams and Bomber looked awesome. Bomber is jumping up and around the fences so well. That horse always shocks me because you think you can picture how he goes and then he gets better. In like a really big way. Then he does it again. His heart shines.

I wanted to watch some of the other groups but didn't get much of a chance. I did see a really cute bay mare that Tara Ziegler was riding.

In Darenth news.....

Katie Cindric's "Willis" was a good boy today. He came right back and focused for me despite the wind, snow flurries, and hunting on Sunday.

Willis gets two thumbs up!

Sharon and Harmony had a good lesson. Harmony got a bit exuberant when the hay delivery came. Hay is very exciting I suppose. I am amazed with Sharon's ability to stay with that mare. Sharon and Harmony have such a cool relationship.

Time to watch a movie and snuggle with Scruffy and all her dirty glory.

This afternoon was fabulous.

A big Thank You to Mr. Stephen Bradley. You rock.