(I haven't had a day off in 14 days)
My goodness Wed was a push.
I had lessons on Beast, Callie and Vanya (Manny) with the great Sharon White.
Beast taught me a life lesson on Wed.
The Be Be star may have been tired from the days before. She may have been adjusting to the change from hackamore to bit. She may have been doing just what her mom said or, she may have felt claustrophobic. She may have just been being a red headed.......
Anyways she did all the exercises perfectly but one.
Single barrel bounce to single barrel. We weren't so straight over the second. We did it over and over and over .....and over.
Sharon said a lot of stuff that stuck and will continue to stick with me forever.
She is turning into on of those people that says things that sound like wise quotes, but it is just facts she has learned....Reality, this reality....My reality I suppose.
"If you do harder levels, you have to work harder."
Duh, in hindsight, this is a given .
We talked about how this is why some people don't do "this". Competing.
The training for this level. For both this level of competition, and also this level of professionalism.
I learned, I let go, I pushed.
..............................................
I restrained myself from beating Beast. Even in the indoor when I took a moment when no one was looking.;0
I am going to make mistakes. I may have hard moments.
BUT
I do not have to have bad days in this sport, there is no such thing unless I VIEW IT THAT WAY.
I learned so much yesterday, I realized many things my body needs to work on.
I was so exhausted after Beast, I genuinely had no worries or stress left in my body for the other two.
Wouldn't you know, they were perfect.
I did EVERYTHING Sharon said to do and it worked. We talked about Callie and Vanya briefly. We both agreed on the same things. It was great.
Vanya tried his little gelding heart out in the big kid group. (Training /Prelim group)
Callie was big, beautiful, relaxed and amazing. She was the good child yesterday.
Beasts add will be on dream horse soon. Kidding.
Just like Callie has days where her hind end wildly leaves the ground, Beast has days where she acts dramatic in her lack of understanding. It is those cheeky moments that make them what they are.... Mares, special, and able to achieve greatness.
I had a breakthrough yesterday. Yesterday was a special day for me. While it may not have seemed that way as my fellow pupils (whose horses did the barrel bounce easily) looked politely away from my tears.
I get, I got it, I am in.
I didn't know if I would be, this far or farther I mean. I really wasn't sure when I had a daughter and my life changed if I would want to do this all the way. To try to go to Rolex, to try to be the best that I can at this crazy sport. To work as hard as I am capable, while maintaining my personal priorities.
I was embarrassed not to do well in front of the people watching.
Hi.. ..here is reality, the people watching don't give a shit, and if they do it's either fleeting, they are commiserating, or (SHOCKER) thinking something supportive. The last being most likely at the farm I was at.
I am letting go of that now. I realize that I am my only competition. No one, and I mean NO ONE could ever be as hard on me or as nasty as I am to my self.
No one could expect or demand as much as I do.
I often wonder how much to share on this blog. Should I portray something? Should I sugar coat it all?
Will that make me seem tougher, better, more able?
Well I guess the more important question is ...then who?
I do not want to portray professionalism, amazing riding, trueness.
I want to be professional.
An amazing rider.
True.
Anything else is too much work. It is what it is, I am what I am.
I had a bad lesson yesterday, and I realize it was amazing.
I am simply obsessed with this sport, and everything about it.
I have the best students that quietly notice I am switching into a very focused place, and know my lack of chattiness is not personal.
I have the best farm with such awesome owners. And let me just tell you I realized I can be a brat. I caught myself staring helplessly yesterday at poor Sharon (not White, Dawson..the owner of my farm Darenth) filling up the trailer tire, HER trailer tire, so that I could take my 3 horses to lessons.
She did this in her brief 30 minutes away from her day of camp and teaching little ones in the sun.
I have the ride on the MOST AMAZING 3 year old WHO JUMPED YESTERDAY AND WAS AMAZING!!!!
There can be no bad days.
I wrote on the internet so it must be true.
So do I want days where I cry, make an ass of myself, make mistakes, and ache.
Yes
Bring it.
And as for that competitor that is always with me, pushing me and saying those audacious things? I am going to make that b!t@h my friend.
She is going to cheer me around Rolex and not tell me to pull or drop my shoulders.
She is going to tell me to sit up with my leg on.
I want to better, I want to achieve. I want to stay on the path that I am on because it is right. I will accept all the things that seem like road blocks as forks in the road. Directing me to where I am suppose to be.
Today I am home until tonight's lessons.
My horses will all be walking.
I will make yoga and cooking Dave something yummy and non-vegetarian for dinner priority.
That's all for now
Let your freak flag fly.
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