How being a mom to Maggie is like being a drunk celebrity's personal assistant

1. I wake up to crying
2. I constantly have to follow someone around and clean up their mess
3. Food and drink are always all over Maggie's face that I have to wipe up.
4. I am constantly battling a hot mess on Maggies hair. Pulling out bits of wax (in Maggies case from crayons....god only knows where famous people's debri is from), and untangling knots.
5. Maggie is always trying to make phone calls and I have to try to stop her. (Like drunk dialing)
6. I can rarely understand what Maggie is saying
7. All though I can rarely understand what Maggie is saying, I agree and smile encouragingly!
8. Maggie is moody
9. When we go in public places, I worry about her running off and breaking/stealing things
10. We watch the same movies over and over (because she forgot she just saw them)
11. Maggie whines and pouts to get her way (I truly understand why adults stop hearing high frequency noises as they age. It is a defense mechanism)
12. Maggie will spontaneously fall down, and I have to help her up
13. Maggie does not care that she spontaneously falls down
14. Maggie has no regard for personal space and often tries to sit in strangers laps
15. Maggie needs assistance to the bathroom, but rarely makes it in time
16. Maggie can not drive for she has no license
17. Maggie would like to drive, and would if I let her
18. Maggie can not write clearly and often "misses" the paper
19. I love Maggie very much and hope she does not fire me